Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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