took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
