so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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