you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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