I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
