why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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