I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
