Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's blow job season.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
