I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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