I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
