she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Are we still banned from the library?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
