I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
