Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
meet me or not, i'm out of control
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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