I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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