apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize