If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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