i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
