3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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