There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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