Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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