This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
