ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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