Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you will always have a special place in my vag
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
