used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just cropdusted the office
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The feeling are messing with the penis
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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