i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
