does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
