can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
