I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
