Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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