Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
