SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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