His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
