I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
