the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
