I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
