glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
