I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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