dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
A bitchslap is in order.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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