Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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