Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
