I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
