it hurts more in the daytime
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
BRING THE BAGELS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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