Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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