Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
