It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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