I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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