I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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