Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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