six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I AM VODKA MAN
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
