im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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