I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
