Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
