The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
