Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
