If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
