When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
