5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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