take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
