You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
