Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
