So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
