This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
