Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
