i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize